Meditation Notes: Name That Jerk
Our negative thoughts were passed down to us by someone, maybe a parent or someone else in our early years, even an early relationship. They can also be passed down to us from the general cultural atmosphere, but they are not purely ours.
We can’t really beat ourselves up for negative thoughts or constant critiquing- it’s that jerk in our heads.
Who does your jerk sound like? I’ll bet that you can pinpoint who it is. What is their name? If this is the voice you hear at your most negative, you can give it a nickname so as not to be exactly like the person you’re thinking of.
I did this in meditation one night, My internal voice is very critical and sharp-tongued, sometimes prideful and snappy. All ugly things, but can be traced back to a person in my family. I won’t state the exact name, but let’s just say I nicknamed this person “Chrissy”.
Chrissy was a dumb blonde (is that still politically correct to say?) in the show, “Three’s Company”. Yeah, that ages me. I watched it as a kid.
The obnoxious voice in my head resembles someone in my early years. They were supposedly a genius (for real) so everyone respected this person. I later realized (a little too late, after the voice was already implanted in my head) this person was not as smart as I thought. They were severely lacking in people skills; no kindness or compassion toward others. They also lacked basic social skills. This is why I had to nickname them, “Chrissy” – the dumbest character I could think of, and better yet…from a show in my past where this person existed as well.
I’ve disarmed my inner bully by naming it, and having a little fun with the process.
Now its amusing to hear this voice. I can say ‘hi’ and watch it go by. Maybe wish it well. I’m not bound to it by heavy chains. I don’t feel as personally connected to it or guilty for having it.
It’s also reassuring that it’s not me- there’s a separation of jerk and the core of who I really am, and that feels good.
When this voice comes up in meditation, or really anywhere, it sounds DUMB to me. I use its power against itself. I realize it will always drive me further away from the ones I love. It puts distance between me and love, and those I care about most just like this person did in their own life.
Do you have an inner jerk?
What will you name it?
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